Opportunity...

Instead of asking what can I get today, I should be asking, what can I give.

I sometimes walk around as if the world owes me something. Don't get me wrong, I try not to, but it's only human to think that you have put enough of yourself on the line and it is time to get something in return for all your hard work. Actually, this mindset can be very helpful in not allowing yourself to be a doormat, but day to day, I think it can be more harmful than anything else. This ends up feeding into the mindset of victim-hood.

I have my story, I am a woman, who hasn't always been treated well, my home-life growing up, wasn't perfect and I have a lot of emotional baggage from that. A huge tragedy happened to me when I was 21 and someone very close to me committed suicide, in front of me. Then, after all of the sadness in my life, the worst thing possible happened, my baby died. I gave birth to a baby I knew was gone and held my son in my arms and had to say good-bye to him.

Now here, is where I have to stop and say, I could use this story, to be afraid. I could use it to get sympathy and pity from those who read my story, because it is just so sad. Or, I could use this story to show how strong a person can be, when they need to be. I can tell my story as a symbol of hope for those who are going through tragedy, so that they know they can make it to the other side, without losing complete hope.

Of course, I am sad. Of course, I miss my son. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish he was here. I look at his photo and kiss it every night before bed. And I cry, mostly when no one is looking. Because I am his mommy, to an angel who never gets to grow up. But I am so much more than that. This experience has helped me realize that tragedy can strike anyone, none of us are immune to pain. It is how we overcome our tragedies that make us amazing. It is that, which changes the world.

There is a woman in Brazil, who recently lost her son at 36 weeks gestation. She fought for the birth she knew he deserved. She gave him a beautiful and peaceful birth, and now...even though she has had to bury him, she is pumping milk, his milk, for babies who need it. She is a hero. She is a hero, to those babies, and to all those who hear her story. She doesn't beg for our pity, because pity doesn't change the world. And pity won't bring her son back, nothing can do that. But, her courage and her honor, will make his memory beautiful. It will make her experience profound, instead of just sad.

I want to be a hero for my son, I want him to look down and me and know that his mommy is using her experience to bring more peace, and more love to this world. I want him to be proud of me, just like I want Maya to be proud of me. I can't do that if I just sit around and wait for the pity and the sadness...I have to go out and give love. I have to shine my light into the darkness and bring peace. I have to stand up, and be the change I want to see in the world. And then I can be a hero for my children too, and I can be proud of the mother that I am, and the woman that I have become.