I miss the smell of his hair after a bath, although I have never smelled it. I miss the sound of his cry at night, although I have never heard it. I miss him looking into my eyes while he is breastfeeding, although I have never seen them. I miss the feel of his hand grasping my finger, although I have never felt it.
I miss the laughter and the tears and the happiness and joys of raising a beautiful little boy. I miss his first smile, his first spoonful of food, his first laugh, him rolling over, him crawling. I miss his first steps and his first words. I miss his first day of school, his first illness, his first nightmare. I miss story time with him, singing to him while he falls asleep. I miss watching his big sister play with him. I miss trying to get them to stop fighting. I miss cuddling with them both while we watch tv at night. I miss running after him at home, at the playground. I miss the photos I never got to take. I miss the videos of him I never got to make. I miss doing homework with him and his first school dance. I miss watching him fall in love, and having his heart broken. I miss his wedding, and his spouse. I miss his children. I miss watching him grow.
I miss all the things that I never got to know. I miss my little Mateo so.
I know how this feels...so I cry with you, and it is OK. <3 We will all lift you up to help you through this Cerise. Sometimes that means shutting up,sitting down a while and just sharing in your sadness. You are not alone.
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