I don't know why it was so important for me to write this now, as my boys are already 19 months...but it was heavy on my heart, so I did it. It is very long...sorry about that, but here it is, my birth story for the twins.
My birth story of my rainbow twins after a full-term
stillbirth
It was exactly 6 months after losing Mateo during childbirth
that I found out I was pregnant again. I was so happy, and scared all at the
same time. Then at our first dating ultrasound, I found out that I was not
expecting just 1 rainbow baby, but two. Twins do not run in my family at all,
so it was not something I had expected…except I had a dream that I had twins
and even left Peru a couple of months after my loss feeling like I was supposed
to have two more babies, not just one. Even using the bathroom just before my
ultrasound I said a prayer and said, “God, please let everything be okay with
this baby, or babies, if there are two.”
I knew that they were both boys, I just had a gut feeling
that they were and the lack of morning sickness (I only had MS with my daughter
and none with Mateo) made me sure that there were no girls in there. My
daughter told me as soon as we found out that we were expecting that we were
going to have two babies, a boy and a girl…and an ultrasound at 15 weeks said
one was a boy and the other one she thought was a girl…but I still felt like
they were both boys. And another ultrasound at 20 weeks confirmed that.
I had a lot of ultrasounds, NST’s and tests…with Mateo, I
was 41 weeks, healthy and everything was normal…and then when I was about 5-6
CM dilated, we couldn’t find a heartbeat. So, no one was going to take any
chances. I started spotting at 10 weeks and they found a sub-chorionic
hemorrhage…so I was on bed rest until it absorbed into the Uterus….which
happened at about 18 weeks…then toward the end of the pregnancy my blood
pressure started going up pretty high, so I was sent home on bed rest again. At
35 weeks, on my way home from that doctor’s appointment, I got into a fender
bender and started having a few stronger, but inconsistent contractions. A few
days later I was very uncomfortable and having a pretty bad day. I felt sick, I
felt very, very pregnant (At 35 weeks I was measuring 56 weeks pregnant) and I
was so done with everything. I just knew I was going to be pregnant forever and
my poor body was going to fall apart. At 5pm I had a contraction that made me
really take notice. It was pretty different than the others and 7 minutes later
I had another…my husband had brought me food and I was starving, so I took a
few bites…and then I realized these contractions were closer to the “real deal”
than I was admitting to myself.
We decided to go to the hospital, since I was only 35 weeks
3 days and get checked out. I got to the hospital and they said they would
check me, but the contractions didn’t
look that strong, so they took their time…almost an hour before they hooked me
up to monitors and then another 30 minutes of seeing my contractions to check
me. I was at 3 cm dilated. They said I could have been walking around for weeks
that way, although I had been checked a few days before and my cervix was
completely closed.
I knew I was in labor. They gave me a shot to stop the
contractions and they went away for about 30 minutes. Then they came back with
a vengeance, stronger and closer together. They waited about 30 more minutes
and gave me another shot. They stopped for about 45 minutes and they checked me
again…4cm. Hopefully this would work…but, it didn’t. The contractions started
again and after another hour they checked me and the nurse said she could
stretch me to a 5. She called my doctor who said to see if I wanted 1 more shot
to see if it would work. The nurse came over and said, “You have a choice, your
body really wants to give birth to these babies, but it is a little too early.
You can have one more shot, but I can guarantee you it won’t work. The other
option is to go ahead and do a c-section and not make you continue with labor,
knowing that your son died during labor last year.” So, I chose to go ahead and
have them.
By now, I had been in labor for about 7 hours. It was
midnight and I was tired and in pain. They offered me an epidural, but I didn’t
want it. I wanted to feel each contraction so I could tell if they were getting
stronger or not. They definitely were. I also wanted to feel the babies move
constantly…just hearing their heartbeats was not enough for me…
At about 1:30am a nurse came in and said that the NICU was
full at the hospital and that there was a good chance that at least one of the
babies was going to need to be in there for a little while. My options were to
stay there, have my c-section and if the babies needed the NICU, that child or
both would be transferred to another hospital. But, I would be at the current hospital
still. Or I could be transferred then to the other hospital and they would do
my c-section there and if the babies needed the NICU, I would at least be in
the same hospital as them. That is the option I chose. At 2:30 the ambulance
arrived to transfer me and I went to Banner Desert medical center. Once there
the doctor on duty asked me why I was having a c-section and what they had done
to stop labor. I explained everything and she said she didn’t think there was any
way I was at a 5 at this point because I didn’t look like I was in that much
pain. LOL She checked me and said, “Wow, you are about 5 cm, maybe a little
more”
After signing and consenting…they gave Renato his scrubs and
wheeled me into OR. It was then I started crying…I realized I was about to hear
my babies cry. After giving birth to Mateo, all I remembered was the silence…I
couldn’t wait to hear their cries and know they were alive.
At 4:18 am on July
13, 2012, (Also my father’s birthday) They pulled Kenny out. He cried. He
cried, he was alive! I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. And then at
4:19 am they pulled out Alex. He cried too! It was a very emotional moment to
hear that they were alive, they were okay! Kenny weighed 6lbs 8 oz. and Alex
weighed 6lbs 2 oz.
Both of their apgars were 9/9, but in recovery they noticed
that Alex was struggling a little with his breathing, they took him to the
nursery to give him some oxygen and told me they would bring him back in a
couple of hours. By the end of the day they told me they had to put in on the
C-pap machine and he would stay in the NICU until he could breathe on his own…which
turned into a 10 day NICU stay. I finally held him when he was 4 days old for
the first time. My little fighter! Kenny was perfect, no problems, and he was actually back up to his birth weight by the time we left the hospital...which is not surprising since he is my chunky monkey :)
I was released from the hospital on day 5, and by day 7 Alex
was in his own NICU room, but he started doing badly again…he wouldn't eat and was losing a lot of weight and also was struggling to breathe again...so Renato and his sister
Trilce took care of Kenny for me and I moved into the NICU with Alex. For three days I did all
of his feeds, all of his diaper changes and baths and stayed with him around the clock. So many friends came and
kept me company, donated breastmilk for Kenny and brought me food and supplies.
I am so grateful for those who helped support us while we got our little guy
better and finally got to bring him home on July 23rd. One of those
amazing friends was also almost 36 weeks with twins and the hospital always
tried to direct her to L&D when she would come see me! She actually gave birth on the 23rd of July, the day Alex was released...she was that close!!
Kenny and Alex cannot replace Mateo, they do not heal the
pain, or fix the hurt. But they are their own blessings…they are my sweet boys
and every time I look at them, they remind me how lucky I am, and how blessed
my life is. We have an almost perfect family here on earth…it could only be better
if we had our missing son, but I know we will see him again. And, I will still get
to hold him in my dreams.
