I haven't forgotten...

I walk into a room and everyone lights up, because there are three of us now. Everyone is so happy and I am too...and, I still haven't forgotten you.

Maya tells me, there will be three children in our family now, but I gently remind her we have a baby waiting for us in heaven, because I still haven't forgotten you.

I read about how the babies are growing, and get excited that I might actually bring them home this time...and, I still haven't forgotten you.

Every morning I look at your beautiful face on the picture of you that I have, I smile and I cry, knowing that you are loved, even though you are not here...and, I still haven't forgotten you.

I never will, no matter how many days I live on this planet, no matter how many future children I give birth to, no matter the happiness that fills my soul. There will always be a place in this family that you should have filled, a bed you should have occupied, arms that should be wrapped around you...I will always remember that, for as long as I am on this planet...until the day I get to hold you again, and whisper into your ear, "I never forgot you"

I'm Living Proof

Life is not always easy...there are sad, sad days. I hear people say all the time, "I couldn't live through that!"

I want you to know, that I hope you never have to experience some of the things that I have seen. I hope you never have to lose something that is so precious. I pray every day that no one else will ever know this pain...and everyday other families do.

So, since I can't keep the pain from being there, my mission is to show every person who meets me that they are stronger than they know. We all know pain, whether it is the loss of a love, a child, a grandparent, and spouse, their whole family...It could be a job, a house, all your possessions. But, you can live through it...you can find love and peace on the other side. I know, because I'm living proof.

One of the most powerful things is letting go of expectations...that is so easy to say, and so difficult to do. Who wants to go through life thinking something bad could happen. But that is not what I mean. I mean realizing that we don't have control. Life is not something we can command...yes, we can be co-creators, but that is different than forcing the outcome. We can't make everything be okay, we can't force life to go our way...that's not how life works.

We are giving every moment new, we choose how we react to our experiences and choose what to do next. We are not always given easy choices, but every choice that we make is the best we can make in any given moment. Life is always happening, and sometimes it easy to say, "But, I could have done this, or I could have done that." Most things in life are out of our control...all we can do it keep going.

You can keep going, life gets brighter, life gets better and even the darkest day, can lead to something beautiful. You can question every move you make, and not ever move on...I know this because I have lived it. I have gone over that day in my head a million times. There is never an outcome where I bring my baby home. That is where surrender came in...I had to let go. I can't say my life is better...but there is hope in my life, there is still beauty and there is peace. There is a light at the end of the tunnel...

I know, because I am living proof...